A good excuse

Write, or something like that.  Now that it's nearing midnight I was supposed to come home and and answer some questions and be done.  However, I received an email from a dear one whom I love who was ... distraught after reading my post.  So to clarify I'm posting my response.  Edited to protect etc.  And no, it wasn't from Mom.

Allright, my iBook won't let me cut and paste in the little box.  let's just say that it was long and rambling.  in a nutshell, Not looking for the meaning of life or trying to find Jeebus (see Simpson's movie).  Not trying to upset anyone.  Just exploring new ways of thinking (not drugs) and doing it on the web for all to see 'cause that kind of soul bearing is scary, yet a relief.  I don't believe that we should work for 40 years and then enjoy life.

My brain is fuzzy and Given that the email that I shot off was long and my typing skills poor, I'm going to bed.

Cheers.

Ever been Scared of words?

Yes, exactly words.
OMG, fucking words.
Yet there I sat minutes ago reading and being asked some simple questions. And the kicker is that I should answer them....ON PAPER. Wow, what a concept. And I'm scared to do so. So now I'm blogging for the first time in about 4 years on a different site about changing my life and the fact that I got de-railed 10 minutes into doing so. Hey, why not change my life and perception of reality, so called American reality and put it up on the net for all to see and watch me fail. That is, IF I fail. In brief monents of synaptic (SP?) firing I realize that one of the things that I'm scared of, is succeding. Allright fine, cliche, hell yes. But is something cliche if it is true?

What am I talking about?
Ha!
Well, I'm a pro-chef and I'm bored.
I bypassed some Exec-chef postions; o.k., ran like hell away from them, after I realized what soul-sucking, time-killing, life-draining situations they truly were and went back to a position where I am more than comfortable and making about the same amount of $$$ that I was when I left. My body is taking an extreme amount of punishment since I do a fair amount of line work as a Sous Chef, long hours, and the fact that I'm nearing 40.
I'm merrily divorced and have been with the same GF, Jo over @ head nurse, for at least 4~5?? years. Time doesn't matter, just the company.
I have two daughters that I literally have 1/2 a week at a time. Sundays through 1/2 of Wed. My youngest is special needs. She is almost 10, the older is almost 13 and a genius. I'm certain of it.
This is your typical It's time to change my life B.S. middle age crisis yadda yadda type o' blog. But is it a mid life crisis when you've been having the same thoughts for at least a decade, knowing that something is better out there, but your just too scared to do something about it? So you read about all of these stories and maybe get roped into some scam that wants you to invest XX amount of dollars and your lucky if you get your money back (guaranteed!). But are there real guide lines?
After taking my daughter, the young one (aw hell, lets call her Jane! The other one can be Doe. Aren't I clever? Pat me on the head like a good boy.)sigh....to a learning center because her math skill are in the tank; I found myself killing time in a bookstore (yeah!) with a gift card that I received last Christmas. And I kept gravitating towards a book that I could basically get for free. Well, it had a 20% off sticker on it so it didn't cost me a dime.
It's all about how to let go, leave your job, join the New Rich (NR), live like a rock star even though your broke and ...it tells you what to do. The Holy Grail? For FREE?




Why the FUCK not?

After all, isn't this what I've been wanting? A guide book?
So now The Book is wanting me to do something! How dare it?! Write down your fears. Putting something on paper is, well, a commitment! Last time I did that I wound up getting divoreced from a one-legged-lesbian! AAArgh!


So join me, true believers, as tonite after work (gatta go now) I'm going to write. On paper.